Author: cathryn gamble

Hi there, I am a lady in my 50's. I work as a Class 1 lorry driver, (articulated lorry) I enjoy riding my motorcycle, own horses and love the outdoor life. Go to the gym and cram as much into life as possible :)

Getting the mojo back!

My work place!

So it has been almost 8 weeks since my accident.

5 weeks of doing very little. This I found difficult. It is frustrating, boring and time drags… really drags!

Watching box set after box set. All day. All night.

I craved doing very little and now I know what it is like.

So after 5 weeks I decide it is time to return to work. Am I ready? I’m not sure. I still hurt. I am worried. It is not an easy job!

So I squeeze into my uniform… we have to wear uniform so we look professional and I’ve gained a few pounds doing nothing. But Off I go. I work nights. It is dreary out there. I feel fragile. driving to work, feeling apprehensive. This is a strange feeling. I am usually so confident, not a lot worries me.

I park in the carpark and look at the walkway to our transport office. Take a big breath. Put my woolly hat on.. it is cold out there. Get my rucksack out of the boot of the car. Sling it over my shoulders

It is a long walk. Well around half a mile to the office. Another half a mile to my lorry. And return at the end of my shift at around 6 am

As I walk some of our lorries drive past. They look huge, I feel like a rabbit startled in headlights. My heart is beating 10 to the dozen… I am really nervous.

I get to the office and am greeted by my colleagues. They ask me how I am feeling. I smile weakly. Do they sense my nerves or they just think I am sad to be back.

I am quite bold you see. I don’t hold back. I was, 2 years ago, voted by all my Male colleague drivers to represent them as a union rep with 5 other candidates in the ballot. They are used to seeing me strong. I go in managers meetings. I say it how it is and I get results.

I am a bit of an agony aunt at work and drivers often talk to me about things that they would not talk to many about. I find this endearing and always try to offer a bit of a positive side to situations and solutions if I can think of any. I will even give a motherly hug to those whom have gotten themselves into strife and I am helpless to get them out of it.

So here I am. Feeling shaky and afraid… why… I have no idea!

I have to have a back to work interview before I start. I fill in the paperwork and get told I will not face a disciplinary for been off sick!! Thank you! This is a procedure that is another story. But it infuriates me. It is aimed at employees who take many occasions off sick. I have not been off sick for 18 months, so I am safe. I knew this anyway. There are employees that have been genuinely poorly that need time off on more than a couple of occasions… anyway this is a can of worms and I could go on and on about it.

I have had my interview and now I am late for my 1st run. Not ideal. My job entails driving 20 minutes down the road, loading my own lorry at a supplier, driving back unloading it delivering it straight to the production line of a massive car manufacturer. It is just in time so there is not much time to be delayed. If I was already loaded it would be easier. I am not. My lorry is empty. So I walk the 2nd half mile feeling my luck isn’t doing too well.

I look at my lorry. My heart sinks. No time for fussing, I check it over, put tacho in and I am ready to go.

As soon as I climb into the drivers seat I start to relax. I spend more time sat here than I ever do at home. I fill in my paperwork… there is lots of it. Turn on the engine. Headlights on. Put it into gear and off I go. I swing it out of the parking bay just like I always do. Like I have never been away… However I feel different. Not scared. Just sad.

I have lost my mojo. I am functioning. If I just keep doing what I need to, it will come back… won’t it?

I get to the supplier, I am pleased that I can do my job. I feel robotic , it hurts when I lift but it is bearable. I am relieved! I get my load and off I go. Straight back and tip… just in time. It is a challenge to get through the night, but I do it!

After my shift at work at 6 am I have to go to the horses to turn them out and muck them out. I feel like I am dragging myself along. I do it and arrive home at 7.30 am, and I am exhausted.

I get up around 2pm. Oh boy! I ache. My back is agony. It brings me to tears. I can’t cope. I feel weak. My husband tells me not to go to work… I have gone back too soon. But I have gone back and I must not give in. Keep going. It will get easier. So off I go again. Walking into work with my rucksack feeling pain with every step. I get to the office. I feel completely drained. I am there. I rise above my feelings. My fiesty inner me won’t allow my weakness to win. I get on with it… have a few tears. On my own… and as the night goes on the pain starts to ease. I have no idea why but I am very relieved.

So this is my 1st steps of getting my mojo back.

Ready for the next step.

Not yet!

I am just functioning… I will get there. My will is stronger than an ox. I will lose the cloud that has consumed my inner strength and be back, I will look back and maybe understand the feelings I have had to deal with. But for now I will function and when I am ready I will push forward. I am sure of that.

A survey of my life as a lady lorry driver.

It has been said that I am a workaholic…. I’m not. I have work ethics and believe that if you want things in life you have to work for them.

This is something that has rubbed off on my children. They are both ambitious and know they reap what they sow and without hard work then it won’t be handed to them on a plate.

They are both in their 20’s now. They are ambitious and their enthusiasm shines through and they have both been promoted each year in their jobs.

There is no better feeling than seeing your children succeed and of course be happy and healthy.

I have worked hard all of my life, I am getting to the age where I have to start thinking about my older years.

I have been lorry driving for many years. Long hours and away from home in the past, although now days I don’t drive long distance, but it can be quite a heavy job with a lot of lifting, which I admit am finding more difficult now days.

Been a lady lorry driver is good. I always love the shock of some people when I arrive in the biggest trucks on the roads in the uk. I am a master at driving them… and reversing them, I can manoeuvre a massive truck probably better than I can my car.

When I first started driving this certainly was not the case, I could manoeuvre my lorry into such a position that I could not go forwards nor backwards, because I was against 2 solid objects front and rear, like gates or wall, sometimes other vehicles, I have no idea how I managed this now. It was very stressful but somehow managed to wiggle out of these situations usually with amused men gloating at me. I would give them a cheery smile and act as though I couldn’t care less and laugh along with them at my lack of competence.

Without a doubt I am probably better than a lot of men now. They still like to watch me to see if I mess up… if they don’t know me! One guy even told me that he was going to enjoy watching me mess up when I asked what I had to do when in a manoeuvre onto a dock on a new job I was doing… he went to sit in his lorry and watched for the entertainment to start. As I swung the lorry into position and reversed Up to the loading dock in a tight place without so much as 1 adjustment!

Shockingly I didn’t see the driver again… they are the times I love my job, I felt very smug.

I have never been afraid to speak my mind. If someone upsets me… I tell them. If someone tries to bully me I stand up to them. If I want something then I will make sure that I get it. Not in a blatant way like I’m having this at any cost. I will wait until the time is right. Sometimes years, I may even forget about it, but when I am in a position to fulfill, I will.

I have always had a dream of having my own business. Something I could grow and it be successful. Many thoughts cross my mind, as I have driven the hundreds of thousands of miles across the uk in my driving career, then things happen that could give you a new direction. A few coincidences and tick tock the mind goes into overdrive and the idea of a great adventure and new lifestyle start to manifest in my mind.

So this is the start of the beginning. Let’s see how it happens. Many obstacles! My husband for one, who is very cautious and the one who contains my sometimes impulsive nature. I am winning him around and he is also starting to see my way of thinking on this little enterprise.

Watch this space 😉

Horse riding. My accident… continued

I have loved horses for as long as I remember. When I was only 5 years old I would walk to a stables nearby, on my own and watch them walk out of the yard on their ride outs. The sounds of their shod hooves clip clopping on the tarmac made my soul happy. It still does.

So I am in the car. My husband is taking our horses back to the stables. I imagine the journey for my husband alone with the creatures he tolerates. Any Christmas thoughts long gone out of my head. I try to relax and take deep breaths, every bump makes me cringe. I think of the wait at the hospital. The A&E Department is always very busy.

My daughter gets me there and parks in the limited parking area near the entrance to the accident and emergency. I now have to get out of the car. This may not be easy! I hope I can do it. I slowly swing my legs out and with a deep breath I stand and feel so relieved. That bit is over so now to walk into A&E.  Very slowly!

As I expected it was very busy. We queue to reception. Eyes must have been looking my way. I am wearing jodphurs and long riding boots, they are all covered in mud, still shaking, My hair probably looks like a birds nest. But I really don’t care.

The lady at reception asks my problem without looking up and my daughter explains what happened. She typed all the information into the computer in a robotic way and asked us to take a seat and wait to be called to be assessed. This is a room where a nurse checks you over and finds out how urgent you need to be seen.

There are few empty seats. It is a large waiting room, Sitting on a seat is the last thing I want to do though, so I find somewhere to stand, so I am not in the way. I am still shaking, my thumb is now throbbing too. My daughter gets me a coffee and a chocolate bar, then goes to park the car in the car park.

While I am stood looking out of place, 2 police men come and sit near with a man in hand cuffs. I wonder why he is in cuffs and would he make trouble. I hoped not as I wouldn’t be able to get out of the way if he did. I have a piece of chocolate. I didn’t enjoy it. Now that is a shock in itself. So I sip my coffee and the shaking dies down a little.

My daughter was back in what seemed 5 minutes,  I was surprised at this as parking at the hospital is normally busy, with queues to every car park. I have been to the hospital a few times but not for myself.  I am normally the one visiting and bringing family members for appointments. This is Sunday afternoon though so I guess there are no sheduled appointments today.

She looks at me, smiles and tells me my face is covered in mud too. I must have touched my face or something. Who knows? Oh well.

A couple of minutes later a nurse appears from the major trauma area. With a wheelchair!

She calls my name. I steadily walk towards her. The mud is now falling off and I leave a trail as I walk. She smiles at me and gestures me to sit in the wheelchair. I look at her and half smile? “Do I have to have to sit in that” I ask. She replied in a kind voice, “you do” eyes are now looking at me, so I sit in the wheelchair. The pain was intense. I sat and I screeched with pain and then burst into tears. All the eyes must have been quite shocked. The nurse apologized for making me sit. I had been as comfortable as I could be while stood up.

I am now shaking uncontrollably again. I cannot stop. I get whisked through some doors into a room that is full of people on trolley beds and in corridors side by side, sick people everywhere. All the bays are full. I get taken straight past them and into a room. There is a trolley bed ready for me to get on with a crisp white clean cover.

I have to remove my filthy clothes and put a hospital gown on. These things are like a big dressing gown that you put on back to front, so your bottom is bare. my daughter helps me and mud is deposited all over the place. I settle onto the bed lay down… my body is still shaking. I feel more comfortable out of my clothes. The pain isn’t as bad if I lie and don’t move.

The nurses decend and hook me up to a drip. Put a needle in my hand, They come and take blood and check me over. I don’t like all this fuss but I am scared of what I have done to myself. The nurse brings me blankets and gives me morphine. The doctor then comes in and prods my injuries and asks me what happened. All I really remember is bottom planting onto the ground. My daughter saw the whole thing happen. She said I was flung into the post like a rag doll. She has flash backs now. It must have been so scary for her.

The doctor sends me for a CT scan and x-rays. This is not how I expected my much longed for holiday to start. I am terrified if I have broken any bones or got internal bleeding. I just want to be ok. The shaking has now stopped, maybe the morphine has helped. I don’t feel any effects from the morphine apart from that. And maybe a little dizzy.

My husband arrives. He got the horses home safe! He is now qualified to drive them around. 😁

I get taken to a a corridor next to the room with the CT scanner in. There are other patients waiting in their trolley beds too. Some are covered in bruises. Some look old and frail. 1 ladies jaw is hanging down one side and is swollen like a balloon. I think I don’t belong here. I don’t get sick. I rarely even visit the doctors.

I wait a while then get taken into the room. I have to transfer to a bed to go into the scanner. I manage to shuffle across, it was so awkward and painful trying to keep the gown coming undone. The nurse injects me with a dye so it shows up any damage to my organs, I am then left on my own while I go into the machine. A voice comes over a speaker and asks me to breath in and hold my breath. I do as I am told. This is all very strange. Once it is finished I got wheeled to a room. And then for an x-ray.

After a short time that felt like an age, the doctor comes to see me and gives me the results.

No serious damage was picked up on the scan. No broken bones no internal bleeding! I will soon be well again and I get discharged.

I got helped into my clothes and was free to go.

I get up off the trolley and feel so relieved. I am in great pain but at least I will soon mend!

It’s now almost 4 weeks. I have certainly rested. I have not returned to work since before Christmas. It’s a shame I have not been able to move much. Sleep comfortably or do anything. I am pleased I got checked out though as it could have been so much worse. I feel lucky, I got severe bruising and a torn muscle and nerve damage in my bottom I think. Oh and a sprained thumb. But I have had time to reflect and think about the positives. My Husband can do all the jobs around the house. He mucks out the stables and helps care for the horses. I have rested more than I have in my whole life and I think of the future. I need to think of a way to slow down a little. I need to work less. This will be the next chapter of my life. I was very lucky not to seriously get injured, it has put life into perspective. So my thoughts now turn to looking into an escape from the rat race.

Horse riding… my accident

What a feeling… when it goes as planned!

I have had time to sit and think, while my body recovers from my daft decision to let my horse take charge, then for him to listen when he was having such fun. Galloping after a mare he wanted to win.

The 22nd of December the day after I broke up from work for my Christmas holidays. A holiday I love, I needed, feeling very tired and a much needed rest. To see my family and my friends, not constantly clock watching, watching TV and having lazy days!

“Let’s go for a Christmas ride on our horses”, I suggested to my friend. Around the grounds of a castle, not too far away.

So off we went. My daughters horse and mine in my horse lorry and my 2 friends with their horses in their trailer.

It was a lovely day. Families milling around the beautiful grounds of Elvaston Castle, it is like a place you see in a period drama but modern dressed people admiring our horses and chatting as we rode by. When I was little I would pretend I was on my trusty steed whenever we visited these places.

We skirted around the perimeter then headed towards the river. We had a lot of rain recently and the water was high.

We chatted and was happy as we rode, breathing the fresh air without a care, looking forward to the festive period it is a lovely time of the year, when the sun comes out.

I have had my horse just over a year, after I had to retire my old horse.  He is fabulous, he is what I consider as safe as any but fun at the same time. He is only 14.2 but a splendid creature, from ireland with I believe welsh cob in his breeding. He has the Welsh character and the Irish cob sensible. Which makes him ideal for me.

My friend has an Arab mare, her favourite gait is gallop.

Anyway my little horse had not been on this ride often and horses do get to know where they go fast and slow down if they do it regularly. My friends horse knew where she went quicker, she also knew when it was time to stop. All of the horses were quite fresh as they have been kept in their stables a lot recently because here in the UK we have had floods and terrible weather that has turned the fields into bogs like never before.

when she came to a point my friend normally has a little canter. Her Arab mare took off at a faster pace than intended. I let mine go after her. He was keeping up, going like the wind. Then it was time to stop. There was a horse style, A 5 bar gate, A narrow pedestrian walk way, and a fence post and big fence as tall as the 5 bar gate.

My friends horse knew where she was and stopped, just before the horse style, my horse decided it was a race, and he wanted to win it!

As I pulled on the reins his head shot up so his nose was above his eyes, he was saying “no I don’t want to stop” as we careered at full gallop towards the fence. He couldn’t see where he was going. He was running blind. I was pulling on the reins with all my might. I tried to turn him so I could regain control. By this time we were upon the fence. He realised last minute where he was and darted through the narrow pedestrian access.

What went through my mind? This could have been my last moments on earth… absolutely nothing! Apart from stop you little s**t!

All of a sudden I was no longer on my horse. I had been deposited against the fence post then bottom planted hard onto concrete. My horse carried on a few strides then realised I was no longer on his back.

I imagined him acting like in a cartoon… looking around at where I should be sat, in full gallop and stopping dead and thinking “where is she”? He about turned and came trotting back with a confused expression. Not that horses do that, or do they? Maybe he just was coming back to say sorry? 😏

As I am sat on the mud covered concrete I felt no pain. Only a very wet bottom. How can this be, I am thinking. I touch my legs. Yep I can feel them. My daughter was shouting at me… “mum… are you ok” and I just sat there. I couldn’t speak. She and my friends jumped off their horses and got hold of my horse. I rest my hands on the ground looking at my legs. Caressing the mud in my fingers. My gloves are now caked too. I am covered in mud. If I move might I die or Maybe I am made of rubber after all? No no no… I am an almost mid 50s lady and I certainly don’t bounce… I know this because I only have to turn awkwardly and I am in pain from a tweeked muscle.

So I sit there. The wet cold mud making me think it feels like I have wet my pants… I haven’t though. I don’t think?

My daughter keeps repeating… mum answer me? Are you ok? Like a distant voice right next to me. I look up and her horse looks down at me. He is the 1st thing I notice. I look at him then her. I’m a little confused. I just say… “I don’t know”. Do I dare move? My friend takes her horse and she is full of concern. I am afraid to move so I carefully lift 1 leg. Yep that moves, then the other. Yep that moves too. She helps me to my feet. Maybe I should have stayed put I dont know. I only feel dazed, no pain anywhere?

I speak very little. She asks me again “are you ok” I gather myself and say “I think so”. We needed to get back to the lorry park so she tells me to get on her horse. He is mr sensible. A perfect gent. I have considered him boring to ride as he is very steady and calm. Today he is my saviour. My hero! He is such a kind horse.

There is a pedestrian style near to help me get on. I look up at his saddle. He is quite a bit bigger than my little horse. I go to step onto the style… boom. An electric bolt of lightning shot up my bottom cheeks and my back. I get off the style like a scolded cat… words came out if my mouth that are not fit for a lady.

I pace around thinking “maybe I should walk back”. Then thinking It is a long way! So I try again and wince and feel sick. I put my foot in the stirrup and hurl myself onto the saddle. As my bottom contacts the saddle pain hits my whole torso. I am on… ouch ouch ouch!

My daughter gets on my horse. He stands for her perfectly and behaves impeccable all the way back. I am sat on her horse with my friends hi viz under my bottom and my hand to keep contact with the saddle to a minimum and to keep the mud off her saddle and we slowly make our way back to the lorry park. I ride in silence, Every jolt I felt like electric spikes stabbing like I have never felt before. Dreading the dismounting procedure when we get back.

My daughter phones my husband and tells him what has happened and for him to bring me clean clothes. He doesn’t realise I have hurt myself.

We position the horse so I get off onto my lorry ramp. It is quiet steep so I dont have far to go down. I lean forward another pain shoots through my ribs and I feel like I might faint. By this time I am in shock. I start to shake uncontrollably. My friend puts another coat on me.

My husband arrives and laughs at me stood there like dome kind of weird mud monster. He then realises that I have hurt myself and am in shock. He also realises he will have to drive the horses home as my daughter does not have a licence to drive a lorry. He does have a lorry licence, although it is a task that I have never allowed him to do as he isnt the smoothest drivers. And one he certainly has never wanted to do.

My daughter gets temporary insurance on our car and she loads the horses and I watched dazed and angry with myself. What have I done! If I hadn’t let him gallop then he wouldn’t have. I know this because I have tried this when my daughter has cantered off and I have held him back and he obediently stood still.

The next task is to get into the car… that was not quite as bad as getting on the horse. Although I think I am a wreck by now. Shaking dramatically. The more I try not to the more I seem to shake.

So we left the horses in my husband’s slightly incapable hands, my friends will be there at the stables to help him.

And off we go to the Hospital!

To be continued…

Where to start!

Ok, so this is where I have stumbled upon blogging?

This is a little bit about who I am.

My life can be a little hectic. More than I would like. Working full time pays for my slightly extravagant lifestyle but gives me little spare time. As in extravagant I don’t mean drink and socialize. These are some things in my crazy hectic life that make me… me

I have driven HGV for 33 years working 50+ hours per week for most of this time.
3 horses to care for. My daughters horse William, my new horse Larry and my beautiful old now retired horse Fred who will be 31 this year.
Visiting a ranch in Tucson Arizona for my 50th birthday was a childhood dream of been a cowgirl come true!
Going on cruises and getting dressed up 😁
Beautiful rugged scenery… A self organized tour through the rocky mountains in Canada. This is spirit Island.
Losing 6 stones was probably my biggest and most rewarding achievement.
Riding my motorbike up the Stelvio pass in italy was scary but beautiful!
My new adventure bike BMW F700GS. where might she take me!!.

A picture can speak a thousand words. It can fill you with inspiration. Give you an aim or a dream to achieve. These pictures are just a few special moments in my life. The things I do not have handed on a plate but the things I work really hard to achieve.

I have travelled some beautiful places and will travel many more.

Looking at every obstacle is a challenge to turn life into a better version. Not to take everything too seriously and laugh in the face of adversity when possible is my way of thinking.

My next mission in life is to think of ways to to have more time to do the things I love in life! Have funny and awesome times along the way.

Hopes and Dreams

Well as I lie here recovering from a horse riding accident at Christmas. I have chance to think… dream of an existence away from the rat race.

Having been a lady trucker for 33 years I feel the time is quickly approaching where I would like to slow down the pace of life… and what better way than to turn my attention to a much loved combination of the outdoors, water, and a slower pace of life… the canals, narrowboats and a dream of starting a business.

Let the cogs ticking in my head be the start of an exciting journey 😊